Review: Rio: Rainbow Gate!

Anime: Boobs: The Show! Rio: Rainbow Gate!
Animation Studio: Xebec
Number of Episodes: 13
Length per Episode: Approximately 24 minutes (feels more like 2400 minutes)

You know, whenever a show is an original storyline and not being adapted from anything, it’s usually expected to be quite good. There’s nothing to compare it to, and the sky is the limit when it comes to writing the plot. The creators can make some amazing shows.

Rio is not one of them.

WARNING: MAJOR PLOT SPOILERS. BUT YOU SHOULDN’T CARE BECAUSE THIS SHOW IS DREADFUL.

I was originally going to start this review with a neutral viewpoint, giving a possibly false impression that the show wasn’t too bad. I found this to be physically impossible.

When I watched the first episode of Rio, I wasn’t sure what to think. It wasn’t anything great, but I didn’t think it was all that bad, either.

The second episode completely shattered any chances the show had of me caring about it.

The second episode introduced the first problem with the show. Here’s the beginning of the second episode:

Now for the middle of the second episode, when she was challenged to a gate battle:

Now for the end of the second episode, after winning:

Now for some episode in the future (five or six, I think):

HOW DOES I CONSISTENCY, GUYS?

Seriously. She isn’t even indecisive, she flat-out changes her stance every other minute. Does she want to be a Gate Master or whatever the hell it’s called or not? I don’t blame you if I can’t figure out which, because I don’t think even Rio knows.

Following chronologically, the show also invokes the incredible writing prowess of introducing completely illogical characters.

Wait, he has random supernatural powers, and it’s called Mighty Power?

HMM…

No no no, just because his power is called Mighty Power doesn’t automatically mean that he’s…

HE’S A MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGER. THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.

Actually, the writers should have gone with this excuse, because their reason is even more illogical, as hard as that may be to believe.

Uhhh… guys, I’m pretty sure that’s not how evolution works. Even if it was, how would telekinesis even help? “Don’t worry guys! I’ll move the bomb ten feet away! That’ll save us!” Though I don’t know much about the disarming bomb business, so maybe there’s some kind of process that telekinesis helps with.

The show actually did get a little interesting around the time when the main villain showed herself.

Crappy photoshop skills courtesy of yours truly.

Poor Sayaka Ohara. She’ll forever have all of her roles referred to as Beatrice now.

She actually did make a pretty good villain. Throughout the show, you were never really sure what her true goal was, though it was obvious she wanted more than she let on.

Then the end of the show revealed her motif to be “HURR DURR WORLD DOMINATION.” So much for a good villain.

You know a character that was good though?

While you’d have to be an idiot to not guess who Joker actually is, Joker is a good character. I mean, come on, who else would carry a fucking scythe to their dealing job?

It looks like it might be a fake/prop scythe, but it’s still cool, damnit.

Joker is also pretty much the only one to slap sense into other characters when they need it. If I had to give one thing I liked about the show, it’d be Joker.

Speaking of Joker, that’s also how explanation of the roll ruler came about.

At first, this was genuinely interesting. Using some kind of psychological battle to control the outcome of casino games? While a little out there, I’ll admit, I was genuinely interested.

Well, except that they never explain it past this point. Rio just learns how to control her roll ruler without us being informed of its depth at all. It was a pretty big letdown.

Oh, and now we’re at the best part of the show. The show ends with the largest Deus ex Machina to have ever been pulled, ever.

First, we learn what the point of gathering all of the gates together is.

…Sup newborn Kyuubey.

Anyways, what does Rio use this majestic power for?

FIRES GETTIN' DOUSED

LOVERS GETTIN' LOVIN'

FISHERMEN GETTIN' FISH

PEACEMAKERS MAKIN' PEACE

STOCKS GETTIN'... RAISED

There were even more but these made me laugh the most. I don’t know how anyone could take this show seriously.

Overall? There really is no “overall.” Rio was pretty much terrible from start to finish. Though as I said, I liked Joker. The art was also pretty good (more than the show deserved, really). Also, the first half of the last episode was actually pretty good. It was paced nicely; had some good, fitting music; and actually, you know, dealt with casino games.

I think this proves that the entire show should have just been 13 episodes of normal casino games. It’d would’ve been immensely better than this shitfest.

Actually, I guess I do have something to say as a wrap-up. They should use this show as a legitimate form of torture. It’d make anyone crack by the third episode. I don’t think it’s quite bad enough to be used for death sentences, but it can get close at times.

Oh, and you guys wanna know the best part about the ending to the show?

DAT SECOND SEASON FORESHADOWING.

RATING: 4 out of 10.

Note: There are no additional pictures in the slideshow this time.

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